It all comes down to this anyway me walking slowly under the weight of this crushing heaviness
and the world looking far ahead.
to tell you the truth,
it is hard to walk when you carry so much burden with you.
the regrets, the guilt, the heart aches and the ever lasting self-doubts make it so difficult as to put one step forward.
when i see others,
i feel i am behind. no matter how much i run,
i won't be able to catch up.
and then the smallest gestures the cup of milk by a mother who has wishes unfulfilled,
the short quotes on internet,
the friend who always believes in me,
the strangers who ask me to never give up, and the very realisation of growth, even when it's so small that it seems unrecognisable to the eyes of a stranger, makes my heart filled with a tiny bit of hope again.
i've only known how to dream,
how to weave a sky of hope for me and i've only wished to live under it at least once, even if it's for a short time.
i can either let this heaviness crush me alive or learn to heal,
to walk slowly but surely. if i had half the chance to do it all over again,
i would choose myself first.
so, i must choose myself even when i don't have the option to change things.
the least i can do is to change myself.
so, if today my leg trembles and if i almost trip over, i'm making sure i never stop.
because you see, even when i'm always unsure it won't make a difference.
what does is the fact that i'm still walking. that's all it always comes down to...
— Rae Pathak, friday reminders.